To whom it may concern (Attn: Assignment 2)

I welcome any comments you have on this. I think I'm having writer's block! Ah! The ending is proving difficult for me. Note: I've left out the addresses and other formalities for easy reading.

So let's look at what I wrote. I haven't touched it since Sunday -- work is taking up my spare time -- so this will be 'fresh' to me too.

The Letter [part 1]

Attn: Joanne Carter

My cellphone has a ongoing problem with the text messaging display. Because this is the same defect, I want to have the cellphone repaired free of charge or have it replaced.

The warranty covered the first problem after eight months of use. The Repairs Department was able to quickly fix this problem and have it back to me in less than two working days, even though the customer service representative said this may take up to five or more business days. The speed of the service meant that I could keep my shop open for the week and my staff still worked full-time for that week. I considered repairing the phone locally, but Biltmore's quality of service cannot be matched.

The same problem presented itself just after the first anniversary and my warranty is expired.

[Not sure how to word the outcome -- will probably sound the same as the summary. Need help! I'm not sure how to close without sounding pushy.]

[I look forward to your response.]
Linda Ristevski.

The Letter [part 2]

My cellphone has an ongoing problem with the text messaging display. Because of this, I want to have the cellphone repaired free of charge or have it replaced.

The warranty covered the first instance of the problem after eight months of use. The Repairs Department was able to quickly fix it and have it back to me in less than two working days, even though the customer service representative said this could take up to five or more business days. The speed of the service meant that I could keep my shop open for the week and my staff continued working full-time. I considered repairing the phone locally, but Biltmore's quality of service cannot be matched.

The same problem presented itself just after the first anniversary of purchase and my warranty is expired. I trust that Biltmore can repair or replace my cellphone free of charge so that this ongoing problem can be resolved.

I look forward to your response.

Anaylsis

The introduction should be direct because the person who is most likely going to read this is accustom to reading these kinds of complaints and would like to know the problem upfront. not only that, they would probably want t know (or it is in your own best interest to say) what outcome you expect from this situation.

I gave facts and background information in the middle paragraph and created "goodwill" towards the end of that.

I don't know what to say in the next paragraph. I will have to think about it today at work. I have meetings all day and work to do on top of that. But I must. This section should mirror the introduction in some way.

Again, if anyone can make a comment to steer me in the right direction, that would be great.

Reminder! Bring two copies of this assignment to class: one with your name on it to hand in for marking and an anonymous one for a classmate. Then the switch-a-roo!

Time to get active

I figured it was high time I write an actual post as opposed to just commenting and letting everyone else do the work, so here it is, folks. Prepare to be amazed. (Er...in all likelihood, probably not...)

I found this week's homework assignment pretty straightforward; if only all our assignments were a matter of changing passive verbs to active ones! I don't have my sentence in front of me, but I'm pretty sure my final version went something along the lines of:

Several female employees alleged that Mr. Harrison had threatened them, although he denied these claims.

I'm still not sure that "claims" is the best word to use, as I think for some it might carry a connotation of accustions that are unsubstantiated and/or not credible. But I used it anyway... go figure. I wonder how different the versions of this sentence will be when we hear what everyone came up with in class. I'm always amazed at how one sentence can be rewritten 10 different ways by 10 different people, usually quite well each time!

Homework: was it harder than I thought?

Page 62, #16 j

16. Identify any passive verbs in the following sentence and change them to active verbs. Rewrite the sentence using active verbs and eliminating any unnecessary wording so that each sentence is clear and concise.

j) Accusations were made by several female employees who made the statement that overtly threatening remarks had been made to them by Mr. Harrison, but the charges were denied by the man who had been accused.

[I underlined the passive verbs.]

1. Employees accused Mr. Harrison of overtly threatening them, but he denied the charges.

[Is it important to state that the employees are female in this matter?]