Dear Hugh

Linda can appreciate the hours of anguish and toil that went into choosing a name for my customer sales rep, only to discover we had picked the same name! (Who knew "Joanne" was so popular?!) So I have reverted back to my original name. I know that's a minor detail, but names are so fascinating... in any case, I digress, and without prolonging the agony, here is my version of a letter of claim to Biltmore Wireless:


[Addresses omitted]

Dear Hugh

I am writing concerning a problem with the text messaging display of my cellphone. I would like the phone to be repaired or replaced without charge, as this is the second time it has broken down.

I purchased the phone under warranty at Biltmore Wireless just over a year ago. Eight months later the text messaging display stopped working. When I notified your department of this matter, I was impressed with your friendly service and how quickly you repaired my phone. This was particularly important to me because I depend on text messaging to communicate with my family when I am frequently away on business. Yesterday, however, the screen went blank again while I was in the middle of a conversation with my daughter. Since this seems to be a recurring problem, although the phone is just out of warranty, I would like the phone to be repaired or replaced at no cost.

I appreciated your prompt reply and excellent service the last time this situation occurred, and I’m sure I can continue to count on your company to stand behind your products.

Sincerely

Jayne Romero


There are a couple points I feel are weak: namely the intro (too abrupt?), and the way I tucked the "my warranty has expired" part into the last sentence of the second paragraph. I tried to follow the "slip it into the middle of the sentence" model, but I'm not sure that really disguises anything. Do I have to be so devious about it? I think it sounds better to be more upfront: "Although the phone is just out of warranty, since this seems to be a recurring problem I would like the phone repaired or replaced at no additional cost." Or something like that. What do you think? Should I change it?


UPDATED VERSION:

Ok, I think this is the final, hand-in copy. Muchos gracias to Linda for talking me through the edits over MSN!


Dear Hugh

The text messaging display of my cellphone is not working consistently. I would like the phone to be repaired or replaced without charge, as this is the second time it has broken down.

I purchased the phone under warranty at Biltmore Wireless just over a year ago. Eight months later the text messaging display stopped working. When I notified your department of this matter, I was impressed with your friendly service and how quickly you repaired my phone. This was particularly important to me because I depend on text messaging to communicate with my family when I am frequently away on business. Yesterday, however, the screen went blank again while I was in the middle of a conversation with my daughter. Since this seems to be a recurring problem, although the warranty has just ended, I would like the phone to be repaired or replaced at no additional cost.

I appreciated your prompt reply and excellent service the last time this situation occurred, and I’m sure I can continue to count on your company to stand behind your products.

Sincerely

Jayne Romero